At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.! The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fis...

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket. When she went before the judge he asked her, 'What did you steal?' She replied, 'A can of peaches.' The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry. The judge asked her how many ...

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretch...

All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Tea...

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They ...

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. "Do you enjoy it?" The doctor asked. "Actually, yes, I do." "Does it hurt you?" he asked. "No. I rather li...

No Mav here either. I sent an email to Fox telling them I hope they choke on the garbage that they replaced the speed channel with. I will never watch FS1 even if they are telecasting a Nascar race. I also sent an email telling Nascar that very same thing about not watching if they are on Fox. More...

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter o...

Jane was becoming frustrated with her husband’s insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions, during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp….. only to discover a cucumber in his hand. “Is THIS what you’ve been using on me for the past 5 years!?!” ...

Little JOHNNY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, 'Now, JOHNNY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please ...

A young catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant." He asked, ''How did it happen my child?" She said, "I think it must be the second coming." The priest shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it has anything to do with the secon...

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a ...

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a gre...

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand w...

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One of them leaned over and said, "Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun any more. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!" &q...

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old Dobermann thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he i...

This guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a young lady playing up ahead of him and went over to her and said "Can you please help me, i don't know what hole i'm on". She told him "You are one hole behind me, i'm on 7; and you are on 6". He thanked her and carried ...

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?” She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.” “If you don’t...