> New Financial Terminology
> New Stock Market Terms
> CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
> CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
> BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
> himself for a financial genius
> BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
> VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
> P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
> BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
> STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
> STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
> STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
> MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
> CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
> toilet.
> Recession - A mild downturn in the economy where some friends and neighbors become jobless.
> Depression - A mild downturn in the economy when you are jobless along with friends and neighbors.
> 201/K - What used to be your 401/K.
> Financial Adviser: Bookie
> Hedge Fund - The money, jewelry, and silver coins you buried in your back yard under the hedge.
> YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
> WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
> INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a
> nuthouse.
> PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.
>
> # # # # #
> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines
> one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.
> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG
> one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers
> one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.
> But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer
> one year ago, drank all the beer,
> then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,
> you would have received $214..00.
>
> Based on the above, the best current investment plan
> is to drink heavily & recycle.
> It's called the 401-Keg.
> ~~~~~
> Guess I'll go buy some beer - in recyclable cans, of course.
>
>
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