Fanatic's hotel joke made me cry and inspired me to share a few I recieved lately..... (I changed 'em a little)
>> Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they're walking along they come
>> upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the
>> size of it.
>>
>> The first hunter says " Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the
>> bottom, I wonder how deep it is?"
>> The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and
>> listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
>>
>> The first hunter says " There's this 1962 ford truk transmission here, give me
> a
>> hand and we'll throw it in and see".
>>
>> So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three,
>> and throw it in the hole. They are standing
>> there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in
>> the brush behind them.
>>
>> As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run
>> up to the hole with no hesitation, and
>> jump in headfirst.
>>
>>
>> While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the
>> hole, and trying to figure out what that was all
>> about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you
>> fellers didn't happen to see my goat
>> around here anywhere, did you?"
>>
>> The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing
>> here a minute ago and a goat came running
>> out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped
>> headfirst into this hole here!"
>>
>> And the old farmer said " Why that's impossible, I had him chained to an
> old transmission! "
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A Wrong Address
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Kansas City for a long weekend to see a pile of 61-66 ford trucks. They planned to stay
at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago.
Because both had jobs, they found it difficult coordinating their
travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would drive the "slick" to KC on a Thursday, and his wife would fly in the next day.
Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his
room there was a computer, so he decided to send his wife an e-mail
back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her
address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The
dearly departed was a minister of many years who had been called home
to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message,
she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived.
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just
arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
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Why slicksters do not write advice columns ...........
Dear JC:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Usk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solve the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.
JC
red necks / wrong address / advice
-
cookster4495
- Posts: 270
- Joined: July 17, 2006, 7:54 pm
- Location: bath pa
-
Johnny Canuck
- Posts: 8291
- Joined: April 9, 2006, 11:14 pm
- Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Re: red necks / wrong address / advice
Ps make him a nice dinner and pour him a cocktail. Turn on the Barrett-Jackson auction on TV, and leave the room.jwh f-100 wrote: Why slicksters do not write advice columns ...........
Dear JC:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Usk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solve the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.
JC
JC
It's a race.. Will hell freeze over or will JC finish his truck first. Stay tuned..
I could just picture the goat! 
My "Slickitis" affliction began here...
66 F100 CC/65 F100 CC/66 F250 CC
If it starts to rain, they'll tax the splash.
If you want to fish, they'll tax the bass.
If you plant a yard, they'll tax the grass.
If you don't play nice, they'll fine your *$#!
66 F100 CC/65 F100 CC/66 F250 CC
If it starts to rain, they'll tax the splash.
If you want to fish, they'll tax the bass.
If you plant a yard, they'll tax the grass.
If you don't play nice, they'll fine your *$#!